Today is my 6 year anniversary
~ HAPPY 6TH ANNIVERSARY ~
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
New Beginnings
You bring about new beginnings by leaving behind the things that compromise your wholeness.
We unburden ourselves by examining our emotional baggage and holding it up to the light. Carrying forward anything that makes us pity ourselves, feel bad about how we've acted or feel guilty about what we've not attended to will lead us to treat ourselves unkindly.
Anything that is weighing you down is made lighter if you take it to God. Then you're not running away from yourself, but summoning the courage to be with yourself, in stillness, in silence, where you will perceive the good that was created from the experience.
All your experiences are valid and important. Everything in your past happened for a reason. Each of your experiences is a step that is leading you to a right and better place.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Perfect You...I Think Not!
I had to get this off my heart because it was really bothering me today. I like to say, "When I become perfect I'll expect it from you."
It just burns me up that someone can be so sanctimonious and self-righteous in thinking they are so above it all. Who are you to pass judgement on someone else because they have certain feelings about someone or something? People have the right to think and feel whatever they want.
NONE OF US are perfect...or close to it! I can honestly say that I am not a hypocrite, if I feel a certain way about someone or something then that is what is voiced. I shake my head at the 'Perfect Ones' that are all goodness and light in public, but behind closed doors you just can't stop passing judgement - hypocrisy at it's best. Then you have the gall to try to make me think that I am so wrong - shame on you!
At the end of the day there is no shame in my game - good, bad, right, wrong I am who I am. I don't need to put on airs for people to like me or see me a certain way - either you love me for who I am or you hate me - either way it's all good.
So, to all you pseudo perfect people - stop fronting cause when it's all said and done the only ones that will be judged is you!
It just burns me up that someone can be so sanctimonious and self-righteous in thinking they are so above it all. Who are you to pass judgement on someone else because they have certain feelings about someone or something? People have the right to think and feel whatever they want.
NONE OF US are perfect...or close to it! I can honestly say that I am not a hypocrite, if I feel a certain way about someone or something then that is what is voiced. I shake my head at the 'Perfect Ones' that are all goodness and light in public, but behind closed doors you just can't stop passing judgement - hypocrisy at it's best. Then you have the gall to try to make me think that I am so wrong - shame on you!
At the end of the day there is no shame in my game - good, bad, right, wrong I am who I am. I don't need to put on airs for people to like me or see me a certain way - either you love me for who I am or you hate me - either way it's all good.
So, to all you pseudo perfect people - stop fronting cause when it's all said and done the only ones that will be judged is you!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Friends With The Enemy
I had this conversation with my Sig last night and it prompted some thoughts. You see until last night he was friends with someone that I truly dislike and that has publicly expressed their hatred of me, and has gone as far as bad mouthing me. My feelings about him being friends with this person was how could you be friends with someone that openly and publicly hates the person you say you love?
We previously discussed this matter and I told him that I couldn't tell him who to be friends with, but my feelings were - hell yea, I want you to dislike this person and not be friends with them too! His reaction was that this person never did anything to him so he couldn't in good consciousness feel any hatred/dislike toward them. My rebuttal was what about me and how I feel?
Well, he stayed friends with this person and of course that didn't sit well with me, but I let it go and kept my feelings about it inside. Last night we talked about it again, and he said he finally understood where I was coming from and how I could feel the way I did...and he apologized to me. That made me feel really good, like he really had my back.
It made me think - If you dislike someone and that someone dislikes you, but your significant other is friends with them is that right? Do you have the right to tell your sig not to be friends with that person? Is that an expectation that you should have?
I'd like to know what folks think about this!
We previously discussed this matter and I told him that I couldn't tell him who to be friends with, but my feelings were - hell yea, I want you to dislike this person and not be friends with them too! His reaction was that this person never did anything to him so he couldn't in good consciousness feel any hatred/dislike toward them. My rebuttal was what about me and how I feel?
Well, he stayed friends with this person and of course that didn't sit well with me, but I let it go and kept my feelings about it inside. Last night we talked about it again, and he said he finally understood where I was coming from and how I could feel the way I did...and he apologized to me. That made me feel really good, like he really had my back.
It made me think - If you dislike someone and that someone dislikes you, but your significant other is friends with them is that right? Do you have the right to tell your sig not to be friends with that person? Is that an expectation that you should have?
I'd like to know what folks think about this!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Time
Do you ever think about the time you have here and how you spend it?
Ok, what if by some strange twist things changed in the world and we were all given a total of 25 years to live - and to add to that twist instead of paying for the things we buy and the services we use with money, we had to pay with our time/years!
For example, a cup of coffee would cost you 3 or 4 hours. And remember, even if you never buy or use anything you will still use 24 hours everyday.
How would you adjust your way of living - the things you do or buy - to manage/maximize the years you have?
Ok, what if by some strange twist things changed in the world and we were all given a total of 25 years to live - and to add to that twist instead of paying for the things we buy and the services we use with money, we had to pay with our time/years!
For example, a cup of coffee would cost you 3 or 4 hours. And remember, even if you never buy or use anything you will still use 24 hours everyday.
How would you adjust your way of living - the things you do or buy - to manage/maximize the years you have?
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Blogging Virgin
I was made aware that October is National Blog Month. I've known about blogging for a long time, but have never really gotten into it until now. A new and dear friend has been my 'muse' to get my own blog going. I read her blogs and am inspired by her openness.
I've always kept a journal for as long as I can remember, and have always felt safe doing so. When blogging came out I really liked the thought of it but was always afraid to post certain things - especially on a public blogging site where anyone could read your inner most thoughts and feelings. But I guess you post what you want the world to know and leave the rest in a guarded place.
Well, I'm taking the leap. I don't have any followers on my blog yet but on the off chance that one day someone will venture into my 'Sea Of Consciousness' I want them to have some great Soul Food to digest.
I'm here world...just making my way!
I've always kept a journal for as long as I can remember, and have always felt safe doing so. When blogging came out I really liked the thought of it but was always afraid to post certain things - especially on a public blogging site where anyone could read your inner most thoughts and feelings. But I guess you post what you want the world to know and leave the rest in a guarded place.
Well, I'm taking the leap. I don't have any followers on my blog yet but on the off chance that one day someone will venture into my 'Sea Of Consciousness' I want them to have some great Soul Food to digest.
I'm here world...just making my way!
October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month
October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month!
Whether you are a survivor, family member of a survivor, know someone that has had this disease, or lost someone that has had it. We've all been touched by breast cancer in some way. And it doesn't just affect women - men get breast cancer too!
So let's all support finding a cure for this dreaded disease - LET''S CREATE MORE BIRTHDAYS!
If you want to lend your support and make a donation to the cause just go to Susan G. Komen for the cure and get involved!
Whether you are a survivor, family member of a survivor, know someone that has had this disease, or lost someone that has had it. We've all been touched by breast cancer in some way. And it doesn't just affect women - men get breast cancer too!
So let's all support finding a cure for this dreaded disease - LET''S CREATE MORE BIRTHDAYS!
If you want to lend your support and make a donation to the cause just go to Susan G. Komen for the cure and get involved!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Jealousy and Envy
These words represent two very strong emotions/feelings.
Jealousy denotes that a person has hostile feelings toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage.
Envy denotes a persons painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another with a desire to possess the same advantage.
A person that is jealous or envious of another often times is insecure with self. They are never satisfied with what they have, the way they look, or anything about their life. Most times the object of these feeling is not a rival, nor does that individual possess any advantage over that person.
I guess we've all experienced both of these at one time or another in our life, but what I don't understand is how one could let them dictate their life.
I know of a woman that is so consumed with jealousy and envy, that she cannot function on a normal level! It's very sad because she is always being told how beautiful she is and what a good person she is - but her low self-esteem does not allow her to enjoy who she is or the things she has accomplished in her life.
Can deep seated feelings of jealousy and envy be considered a form of mental illness? I mean they are emotions so if you allow them to dictate how you act or react, function on a daily basis, and guide your thoughts, deeds, and words does that make you crazy?
I've never been able to wrap my mind around the thought of being so consumed with another human being with regard to how they look, what they have, who they are with, etc. I could never imagine the mental anguish that these feelings could cause one.
Many people that experience these emotions have (or still do) struggled with self-image. I can understand how this could affect one's psyche. I struggled with self-image for a very long time and while I am now happy with who I am, there have been times when I've reverted back and questioned myself. However, I've never experienced any deep seated jealousy or envy toward anyone. When I have feelings of inadequacy I try to use them to make changes in that area of myself or my life.
I thank God everyday that I am not that woman, that I do not have to live in her head. I do pray that she will find some peace and relief from the demons that haunt her daily because I fear that if she does not she will cease to be.
Jealousy denotes that a person has hostile feelings toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage.
Envy denotes a persons painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another with a desire to possess the same advantage.
A person that is jealous or envious of another often times is insecure with self. They are never satisfied with what they have, the way they look, or anything about their life. Most times the object of these feeling is not a rival, nor does that individual possess any advantage over that person.
I guess we've all experienced both of these at one time or another in our life, but what I don't understand is how one could let them dictate their life.
I know of a woman that is so consumed with jealousy and envy, that she cannot function on a normal level! It's very sad because she is always being told how beautiful she is and what a good person she is - but her low self-esteem does not allow her to enjoy who she is or the things she has accomplished in her life.
Can deep seated feelings of jealousy and envy be considered a form of mental illness? I mean they are emotions so if you allow them to dictate how you act or react, function on a daily basis, and guide your thoughts, deeds, and words does that make you crazy?
I've never been able to wrap my mind around the thought of being so consumed with another human being with regard to how they look, what they have, who they are with, etc. I could never imagine the mental anguish that these feelings could cause one.
Many people that experience these emotions have (or still do) struggled with self-image. I can understand how this could affect one's psyche. I struggled with self-image for a very long time and while I am now happy with who I am, there have been times when I've reverted back and questioned myself. However, I've never experienced any deep seated jealousy or envy toward anyone. When I have feelings of inadequacy I try to use them to make changes in that area of myself or my life.
I thank God everyday that I am not that woman, that I do not have to live in her head. I do pray that she will find some peace and relief from the demons that haunt her daily because I fear that if she does not she will cease to be.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Crazy Folks
Can someone PLEASE tell me why crazy mofo's don't know they crazy and how can we alert them? LOL
No really, I wanna know!!!
No really, I wanna know!!!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Remembering 9/11/01
I can remember 9/11/01 as if it were just yesterday. I was at work when the first plane hit, then in horror and utter amazement we all watched as the second plane hit. Then a 3rd attack and a 4th attack, all simultaneously. It was like a bad dream in living technicolor.
My first thought was thank you Lord that my sister was no longer working for Port Authority, because she would have surely been in the building that day. God is good because she was in the building when the terrorists struck in 1993, but he sent her home to us a bit shaken, but unharmed.
My daughter, 16 yrs old at the time, just could not wrap her mind around it all. She and a group of her friends had deep discussions trying to understand why and how something like this could happen in the 21st century. I told her that hatred transcends all time and only God knew the thoughts, hearts, and minds of people like that. I also told her that God does not sleep, nor slumber and any retribution would be His to exact. Still to this day she cannot understand it all.
I remember visiting 'ground zero' a year after the tragedy and was in utter shock and amazement. I could still visualize attending summer concerts in the plaza, and getting off the train in the Trade Center and walking through to go to work.
It's hard to believe a decade has past since this utterly senseless tragedy occurred. I just can't understand how someone can hate an entire country so much as to want to exact that kind of devastation. And for what? What was really accomplished by this? America is strong and her people are resilient - WE FALL DOWN BUT WE GET BACK UP - bigger, better, and stronger!!
I was out with my daughter yesterday and a muslim couple with a child passed us on the street. I immediately went back to 9/11 when I saw them, and although I know they were not the culprits I still could not help but cringe and have a bad thought when I saw them. Is this the normal reaction of all Americans?
The 9/11 memorial has been completed and is absolutely beautiful! There is also a 9/11 museum with things collected from the wreckage. Both are definitely must sees for anyone that goes to NYC to visit.
Although gone, NEVER forgotten.
~ In memory of those lost in the senseless tragedy of 9/11 ~
GOD BLESS AMERICA!
My first thought was thank you Lord that my sister was no longer working for Port Authority, because she would have surely been in the building that day. God is good because she was in the building when the terrorists struck in 1993, but he sent her home to us a bit shaken, but unharmed.
My daughter, 16 yrs old at the time, just could not wrap her mind around it all. She and a group of her friends had deep discussions trying to understand why and how something like this could happen in the 21st century. I told her that hatred transcends all time and only God knew the thoughts, hearts, and minds of people like that. I also told her that God does not sleep, nor slumber and any retribution would be His to exact. Still to this day she cannot understand it all.
I remember visiting 'ground zero' a year after the tragedy and was in utter shock and amazement. I could still visualize attending summer concerts in the plaza, and getting off the train in the Trade Center and walking through to go to work.
It's hard to believe a decade has past since this utterly senseless tragedy occurred. I just can't understand how someone can hate an entire country so much as to want to exact that kind of devastation. And for what? What was really accomplished by this? America is strong and her people are resilient - WE FALL DOWN BUT WE GET BACK UP - bigger, better, and stronger!!
I was out with my daughter yesterday and a muslim couple with a child passed us on the street. I immediately went back to 9/11 when I saw them, and although I know they were not the culprits I still could not help but cringe and have a bad thought when I saw them. Is this the normal reaction of all Americans?
The 9/11 memorial has been completed and is absolutely beautiful! There is also a 9/11 museum with things collected from the wreckage. Both are definitely must sees for anyone that goes to NYC to visit.
Although gone, NEVER forgotten.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Happy Birthday Janaya Anetra
It seems like just yesterday she was mommy and daddy's baby girl.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING DAUGHTER - I LOVE YOU!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Soul 2 Soul
I met the man I love through his daughter. I truly thought God brought me into her life, but I was quickly shown that she was the God sent vessel through which he and I were delivered to each other. I call her Sweet Pea and she is my sweet angel of deliverance - I love her so very much.
Through my ups and downs, my good and bad, my highs and lows - he has been there as my pillar of strength and support. He's also helped me strengthen my faith and realize things about myself that I would never have realized or faced. He is truly my blessing. I love him so very much and I am forever thankful to God for sending this joy into my life.
The spiritual purpose of our partnerships is to help us break through the walls of our separateness. Loving is an exercise in sharing and accepting - ourselves and one another. It's risking a journey of self-revelation together...Soul to Soul.
Can People Really Change?
"I'm going to make a change, just wait and see!". We've all heard someone say this before, but is it really possible for someone to change the type of person that they are?
We all have a certain type of personality, certain ways, thoughts, behaviors that make us who we are - be them good or bad. These things make us the people that we are, so is it possible to change what/who you are innately?
We all have a certain type of personality, certain ways, thoughts, behaviors that make us who we are - be them good or bad. These things make us the people that we are, so is it possible to change what/who you are innately?
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Locksley Archer Brown
I was going through some family photos today and I ran across one of my cousin - Locksley (Lock as he was affectionately known by the family).
We buried my cousin on 10/28/2007 - He was the brother I never had - he was just 49 years young! Everyone said he was now in a better place with no more pain (he had been sick for some time you see) and how we should loose him. Excuse my selfishness because I want him back - here - NOW!
On that day the pastor said think of a pleasant memory of him and hold on to that. The first thing that came to mind was how much fun we had growing up. How we used to sneak into his big sisters candy stash and take her treats, and how he used to get me in so much trouble for it.
Then I closed my eyes to replay those moments in my head, but my minds eye immediately went to his ever smiling face and I remembered what a wonderful person he was - always with a pleasant disposition and positive attitude, never complaining. Forever the optimist - even when times were not so good. Always giving of himself - or whatever you needed. Always reminding us of life's simple pleasures...his favorite phrase to me, "Jan don't worry about it!"
Looking within I realized how fleeting life is. I realized that everyday in this life is a gift that we should strive to live to the fullest - fulfilling our dreams and being thankful. Not worrying about that which we have no control over. Not crying over things in the past.
Sadness and sorrow are indeed a reality of life, but we must remember that the rain falls on everyone...it's just life. Our time here on this earth is merely a dress rehearsal for our grand performance before The Master...this life be short but the rewards of heaven are eternal.
As I watched his casket being lowered into the ground I smiled and thought to myself, "I love you and I will miss you my dear cousin/brother. Thank you for showing me how it should be done...and now you can take your final bow."
Rest In Peace...until we meet again
Locksley Archer Brown, Jr.
We buried my cousin on 10/28/2007 - He was the brother I never had - he was just 49 years young! Everyone said he was now in a better place with no more pain (he had been sick for some time you see) and how we should loose him. Excuse my selfishness because I want him back - here - NOW!
On that day the pastor said think of a pleasant memory of him and hold on to that. The first thing that came to mind was how much fun we had growing up. How we used to sneak into his big sisters candy stash and take her treats, and how he used to get me in so much trouble for it.
Then I closed my eyes to replay those moments in my head, but my minds eye immediately went to his ever smiling face and I remembered what a wonderful person he was - always with a pleasant disposition and positive attitude, never complaining. Forever the optimist - even when times were not so good. Always giving of himself - or whatever you needed. Always reminding us of life's simple pleasures...his favorite phrase to me, "Jan don't worry about it!"
Looking within I realized how fleeting life is. I realized that everyday in this life is a gift that we should strive to live to the fullest - fulfilling our dreams and being thankful. Not worrying about that which we have no control over. Not crying over things in the past.
Sadness and sorrow are indeed a reality of life, but we must remember that the rain falls on everyone...it's just life. Our time here on this earth is merely a dress rehearsal for our grand performance before The Master...this life be short but the rewards of heaven are eternal.
As I watched his casket being lowered into the ground I smiled and thought to myself, "I love you and I will miss you my dear cousin/brother. Thank you for showing me how it should be done...and now you can take your final bow."
Rest In Peace...until we meet again
Locksley Archer Brown, Jr.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Chaos Theory
It’s really hard to know where to begin. I could start with the usual woes in my life or I could head in the opposite direction and speak on the new woes in my life, either way it’s a sad saga!
I feel like everything in my life has spun completely out of control. I want to say the decent happened when I lost my job, but the truth of the matter is it started long before that. I’ve lived in this circle of one for such a long time that I can hardly remember back to a time of true happiness.
I guess it doesn’t really matter what happened in the past because it’s gone and I can’t change it. Perhaps focusing on the present, and what may happen in the future is where my train of thought should be.
I feel like a bad spell has been cast on me and no matter what I do I just can’t lift it. I’ve been told to pray and leave it in God’s hands. My faith is VERY STRONG and I pray daily, but answers don’t seem to come. I’ve asked why and got my hand slapped for questioning His will. But tell me something, if you don’t understand what’s happening to you and you don’t know how to change it wouldn’t you ask questions?
I’ve been trying to make since of why I lost my job and the tailspin my life has been thrown into as a result of it. I’ve gone through changes that I’ve never imagined I would. I’ve had to summon strength that I never knew I had. I’ve had to humble myself to levels that I hope I never have to again in this lifetime…and still I am no closer to understanding than I was when this all started.
I’ve forgiven the person that caused this nightmare, and I am trying to move past it all, but I think about the lie that cost me so much everyday and it makes me so angry. NO, my job didn’t define who I was but a large portion of my life was spent there and that job made it possible for me to live a lifestyle that I enjoyed – NO, I wasn’t wealthy, but I was comfortable and was looking forward to retirement. Now, I am living paycheck to paycheck – worrying about every dime, second guessing whether a purchase is a necessity or a want. And if it is a want do I really have the right to want it.
I’ve played the scenario in my mind over and over again what I would do if I ever came face to face again with the person that did this to me. Initially I said I would beat the living crap out of her, but I was angry then. After a few months I said that I would give her the cold shoulder. After a few more months I said I would ask her why then proceed to tell her about herself. After even more months I said all I would say to her is “you reap what you sow”. Now, I don’t have a clue what I would say to her. Hopefully I will get the chance to see her again because I want to look into the eyes of self-hatred and jealousy, and see what it really looks like.
I haven’t even scratched the surface of the thoughts currently running through my brain. The more I write the more thoughts pop into my head. When I start thinking of everything it all starts to run together like a bad watercolor painting.
It’s just the beginning of my chaos theory – thanks for letting me vent………………….to be continued.
Inner Realm
I do not feel inhibited or bound by what I am. That does not mean that I have never had bad scenes relating to being Black or a woman, it means that other people’s craziness has not managed to make me crazy.
I march to the beat of my own drum and sing my own song, this way no one can tell me I’m singing it wrong.
I do me because that’s what I do best....I'm here world!
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