I had this conversation with my Sig last night and it prompted some thoughts. You see until last night he was friends with someone that I truly dislike and that has publicly expressed their hatred of me, and has gone as far as bad mouthing me. My feelings about him being friends with this person was how could you be friends with someone that openly and publicly hates the person you say you love?
We previously discussed this matter and I told him that I couldn't tell him who to be friends with, but my feelings were - hell yea, I want you to dislike this person and not be friends with them too! His reaction was that this person never did anything to him so he couldn't in good consciousness feel any hatred/dislike toward them. My rebuttal was what about me and how I feel?
Well, he stayed friends with this person and of course that didn't sit well with me, but I let it go and kept my feelings about it inside. Last night we talked about it again, and he said he finally understood where I was coming from and how I could feel the way I did...and he apologized to me. That made me feel really good, like he really had my back.
It made me think - If you dislike someone and that someone dislikes you, but your significant other is friends with them is that right? Do you have the right to tell your sig not to be friends with that person? Is that an expectation that you should have?
I'd like to know what folks think about this!
This is the very situation that caused my former best friend and I to be estranged.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was with my ex, there was another woman who was for reasons I won’t say, a part of the picture.
That woman would do and say little things to me and when I brought them to his attention, he’d always say “you’re grown, handle that”.
That irked me after it didn’t work the first couple times.
From that point on, when I’d complain, he’d blame me.
Say I wasn’t being adult about things.
Well, I stopped complaining, though it was still stressing me.
So I took it to the bestie.
She would tell me how it was wrong for him to not do anything, talk about the other person like it was personal and even wrote some “angry poetry” with me to get some feelings out.
Well, when this guy and I broke up, she suddenly felt that for the preservation of his and her friendship, she must maintain a friendship with this other chick.
What?!?
Like you said, I couldn’t tell her who to be friends with, but how she thought I’d be cool with them being friends is beyond me.
She even told me that I was in my feelings about it right now, but someday I’d see how I was overreacting.
I have since left all of them to their own devices and gone back to nurturing a friendship that should have never been put on pause.
So I totally understand where you’re coming from and agree with you, but then again, maybe we both need to pray to get past our feelings about the circumstances and persons involved…
Things have been resolved between me and my sig over this. Prior I prayed daily about my feelings, the circumstances and the person involved. I am at peace with it all.
ReplyDelete